Fresh off of dropping the years-long investigations and lawsuits against insurance companies, Jim Hood has set his sights on the Gulf of Mexico (GOM). AG Hood feels that the GOM is in business to produce and manufacture hurricanes to the detriment of Mississippi citizens.

AG Hood plans to align his office with the Katrina Gustav Mass Tort Group and pursue state charges as well as civil penalties against “Big Water.” Big Water accounts for 99% of all Hurricane manufacturing and the GOM is the worst offender in Hood’s eyes. As of now, who might serve as the Special Assistants is still unknown. With “Family” either disbarred or locked up behind bars, Hood is taking bids in the form of campaign contributions to help decide who might be the best candidates.

Even though Tropical Storm Gustav hasn’t moved into the GOM quit yet, Hood has been assured that it will and that it will become Hurricane strength under manipulation by the GOM. In Hood’s opinion, Big Water has been making waves for far too long and the GOM is one of the biggest movers in Big Water. If he can get some action out of GOM he feels other Big Waters will fall in line or risk investigation.

It’s suspected that the Katrina Gustav Mass Tort Group has an insider in GOM who happens to be a charter fish captain with 20 years experience dealing with Big Water. It’s thought that this insider has direct knowledge of the manipulation of humidity and GOM’s attempts to cover it up with wind. Asked why the Federal Authorities have not begun investigating, Hood responded that this is novel litigation. And someone with the experience in such novel litigation as Mississippi has is the right entity to try to bring this sort of nastiness to an end or have Big Water pay in some form.

Even though the GOM produces most of the seafood for the State of Mississippi, Hood feels the damage caused by GOM’s manipulations is much more of a detriment than any good that comes from providing seafood. Spokesperson Belle South said that this is one of the greatest days for Mississippians because the masterful Attorney General will see to it that Big Water does no more harm to the State of Mississippi and quite possibly he will save the whole world. Hood said that anybody from Big Water will be sent straight to the penitentiary as a result of “any damage that could possibly result from hurricanes originating from the Gulf of Mexico.”

Obvious Satire