Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the guest speaker at Columbia University on the eve before his addressing the UN. After being rejected by the City of New York for his request to visit Ground Zero to do a victory dance, Columbia University’s Journalism Department has decided to welcome him with open arms. In a prepared statement, Professor Chamberlain stated, “Peace in our time is such an attainable goal. The new world paradigm calls on us to coddle brutal Islamofascist dictators like Mahmoud. We know from history that if we can appease him just a little bit that he will calm his genocidal rhetoric and like us more. If we can just find an acceptable way for him to fund terrorism and incite genocidal rhetoric, we think that is a proven model to avoid the senseless slaughter of millions.”
However, Columbia’s Journalism Department is not the only one to get in on the lovefest. Probably their most self-professed celebrated graduate, Donna Ladd of the JFP, will be flying to New York to present Mahmoud with a “Guys we Dig” award. Y’all Politics has obtained an advance copy of the special edition. The writeup states,
Mahmoud grew up in squalor, obviously caused by the Great Satan in the West and its historical prejudice against dark people. As a child, he couldn’t even afford bullets, so he had to practice Islamic “honor” killings and mutilations with swords and knives. He went to school defying all odds and grew up to become a “revolutionary” and participated in the great “Hostage-In” in 1979 as a student leader. Here, helped keep a bunch of Americans (that probably deserved it) as hostages for 444 days.
Mahmoud is deep and complex. In addition to praying to Allah five times a day, many JFP readers will be surprised to learn that he is a huge World War II buff. His office is even adorned with small scale models of the Middle East and Europe. We curiously noticed during our interview that the State of Israel was conspicuously missing from his map.
We wanted to ask him the tough questions. “What about your nuclear plan, Mahmoud?” “Nuclear is A-OK!”, he replied. That’s good enough for us!
He is also a huge music fan. He loves the Dixie Chics. Of course, he cannot watch Dixie Chics videos because Natalie Maines wouldn’t wear a burka, but his dream is to arrange a private showing. “Anyone who hates the US President as much as she does is OK with me”, he said in broken English. He is also a huge hip-hop fan. In fact, he wears his Members Only jacket with pride as one of the last surviving members of a break dancing crew from Tehran.
What’s not to love? He’s small, dark and genocidal, and he hates George Bush and the United States! He’s just dreamy!
The afterparty will be held in a heavily secured mosque in Manhatten. Cous Cous and Mojitos will be served and party people can dance the night away to the groove of DJ F*** George Bush.