For Tiger, a Caddy Off the Course

You know life has gotten surreal when we have to beg a pro golfer to be boring.
We thought dull was a golfer’s natural state. Don’t they come out of the womb wearing khakis and a visor? We’ve spent some time in those country-club bars. They make an Applebee’s look like Studio 54.

But this is where we are in this wacko Tiger Woods caper. Please: Don’t give us the righteous “We’re sick of Tiger” speech. We’re through the looking glass, gang, and there’s no going back. They’re moving the Masters to Atlantic City and letting Christian Audigier BeDazzle the green jacket. TMZ wants to sponsor the Pebble Beach Pro-Am. The Kardashian sisters have hired swing coaches.