Gary Pettus: Demanding a recount

I realize that I’ll have my detractors. That certain DRAINOs (Devoted Rooters for Athletics In Name Only) will tell me that I need to move on, that my unwillingness to bow to the merciless march of time’s corroding journey, not to mention my habit of shooting at the wrong goal, could fatally wound the Colmer Middle School athletic program and set the sport of basketball back 50 years.

They will say that, yes; but they’ll have to repeat themselves as I was thoughtfully plucking invisible straws from my hair at the time.

Anyway, this is bigger than me: It’s all about the integrity of the tryout. Is it also about finding a way for me to raise money? Oh, yeah!

My plan is to flog this issue until Kingdom Come while you, concerned and gullible sports fans, keep sending your hard-earned dollars to my fund: the Cause to Annul and Negate This Despicable Outcome That Has Exposed My Amazing Talent for Hoo-ha. Or: CANTDOTHEMATH.

Your generous donation will pay for an attorney, who will prepare an expensive, but idle, threat. So, dig deep, my friends, and remember: You’re never too old to dribble.

Gary Pettus
Clarion Ledger
7/29/14