Happy to be back, The Dash kicks off the season

Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (Phil Fulmer subpoena sold separately):

Greetings, face painters! After 20 football-free days in China, The Dash is thrilled to see you! The Olympics are tremendous and all, but there are drawbacks compared to the great American gridiron.
The Chinese don’t know how to tailgate. You just can’t serve stewed fish heads and scorpion on a stick and expect to please the parking-lot crowd.
The Olympic theme music ranged from a duet that sounded like a lullaby to a song called “Forever Friends” that sounded like it belonged on a “Barney” sound track. Straight Velveeta. They’ve got nothing like “Hail to the Victors (1)” or “Fight On (2)” in Beijing.