In college football today, offseason transactions ain’t what they used to be

Rape, DUI, misdemeanor battery and felony battery, selling cocaine — welcome to this week’s edition of College Football today. I’m your host, Dirty Harry Callahan, as we take you inside the world of college football arrests in the last two weeks. First, let’s award our “Do you feel lucky, punk? Well do you?” award to Alabama linebacker — oops — make that ex-Alabama linebacker Jimmy Johns for not only selling cocaine to undercover officers, but on one occasion conducting the transaction in the parking lot of the Alabama football practice complex. Bear Bryant is rolling over in his grave.

… Guess when you call the second-place finisher of the annual Coney Island hot dog eating contest “a choker,” it’s accurate and not being derogatory. Joey Chestnut’s second consecutive win in as many years Friday over wiener-gulping legend Takeru Kobayashi means Kobayashi might be getting on in age. T.K. appears to have lost that first quick explosive gulp that always gave him the edge. But he gets another shot at Chestnut on Sept. 28 in Chattanooga when the rivals meet in the Krystal Square Off World Hamburger Eating Championship. Yes, there is such a thing. … Call this a reverse Sports Illustrated hex. Now that the magazine wrote a story on what it is like to follow a quarter-backing legend, using the Packers’ Aaron Rodgers replacing retired Brett Favre as the latest example, count me as one of those who still finds it hard to believe that Favre will stay retired this season. … Yo PGA. You don’t need to drug test golfers. It’s not the players who are on steroids, it’s the equipment. Walk into any golf discount store and you can buy a driver that looks like something a caveman once used to kill his dinner. .. Good for recently-traded Griz guard Mike Miller and his chance to play the rest of his career for the Timberwolves near his home in South Dakota. Miller will be missed in the Griz organization in many ways, especially his professionalism. He never demanded a trade, he never whined about the losing, he never pointed a finger. The guy, no matter how much he was banged and bruised, prepared himself mentally and physically to play every night. He never dogged it, never took a short cut. He realized he was making a staggering amount of money for playing a game, and never lost sight of that fact. He also understood that community service comes from the heart and isn’t just having your agent buy a block of tickets to give to the underprivileged.