Hold on: March Madness is this March?

We’d like to file an extension, s’il vous plaît. We’re still clammy with Winter Olympics fever—we spent all of Saturday teaching our cat the Nordic combined; he’s an expert at the jumping, not so deft at the skiing—and now college basketball’s 65-team OCD avalanche, which starts March 16, is running straight at us like Dick Vitale after 14 espressos.

This weekend, we found ourselves bombarded by end-of-regular-season posturing for position. Louisville dropped No. 1 Syracuse, 78-68, in a farewell to Freedom Hall. No. 10 West Virginia edged No. 9 Villanova, 68-66, and Iowa State shocked No. 5 Kansas State, 85-82. Down in Durham, the No. 4 Duke Blue Devils humiliatingly crushed an expansion team called the University of North Carolina, 82-50.

These games were entertaining, but they left us feeling deathly unprepared. It’s sophomore-year literature all over again—we’re barely 20 pages into Faulkner’s “Light in August,” and the quiz is tomorrow. There’s only so much Red Bull we can drink. Can’t CBS just tape the men’s NCAA tournament and show it in May? C’mon—NBC would.