Woods now masters art of disappearing into thin air

A Tasmanian tiger would be easier to spot these days than the world’s No.1 golfer after news of his extramarital affairs broke.

There is a missing persons alert out in America: Tiger Woods has disappeared. Since his car crash on November 27, the world’s greatest golfer has not been spotted by anyone. Nor has he spoken to anyone. While his wife has been photographed (forgetfully without her wedding ring), he is nowhere to be seen. Like a ball hacked into gorse, he has seemingly vanished from view.

There have been endless rumours, naturally. Reports of him being sighted have come in from the ski slopes of Arizona, from the marinas of Florida, doubtless from the chip shop where Elvis goes in for his deep-fried fish cakes. Earlier this week, one professional Woods lookalike was chased by platoons of paparazzi through the streets of San Francisco. Last weekend, half the New York press corps was mobilised to the Trump Hotel when it was reported the golfer had checked in there. He hadn’t.